I found him! I found him!
Him: I didn't know we were supposed to mow her back yard.
Me: She's paying you to mow it, isn't she?
Him: Yes, but she never told us that she wanted us to mow it.
Hello! That should be common sense!
Sticking around the house next Wednesday would've sucked.. It'll be Nicholas' SIXTH birthday. How do they grow up so fast?
8/06/2003
Does anyone know what time the maid is supposed to be here? What? I'm the maid? How did I end up with this job? Someone should control these kids and the messes they make around here. What? I should be the one instilling control around here? Sheesh. I can't win.
I've been patiently waiting around the house today to talk to the guys who do our lawn. I need to see if they will weed our back yard for a reasonable price. I also need to tell them that by charging my mom the full price to mow her lawn, they actually need to mow the back yard too. They've been getting quite a deal over at her house. There is always, always, always a guy here that speaks English. Today, though, when I've been waiting for them to show up and didn't make a single plan today so that I'd be here whenever they get here, the guy isn't here. No one speaks English. We're having major communication issues over here. I guess this means that next Wednesday is shot too.
Be back after I finish some of my housewifely duties..
I've been patiently waiting around the house today to talk to the guys who do our lawn. I need to see if they will weed our back yard for a reasonable price. I also need to tell them that by charging my mom the full price to mow her lawn, they actually need to mow the back yard too. They've been getting quite a deal over at her house. There is always, always, always a guy here that speaks English. Today, though, when I've been waiting for them to show up and didn't make a single plan today so that I'd be here whenever they get here, the guy isn't here. No one speaks English. We're having major communication issues over here. I guess this means that next Wednesday is shot too.
Be back after I finish some of my housewifely duties..
I need to clear a few things up.
1) John likes 400 but not 300. He likes 100 but not 99. He likes 2500 but not 2400. Which number does he like?
The answer is 900, Folks. He likes squared numbers. (20x20=400, 10x10=100, 50x50=2500, and 30x30=900) That should stop the e-mails. There's the answer. It's not that I mind answering the e-mails, it's just that I get all excited when I see that I have a new message (in the account attached to this blog) and invariably it's someone asking whether I found out the answer or not. Read the comments, People. Gwen answered it in the first one!
2) Also, I am not into peeing in my pants, I'm not dying to pee, and I don't have any stories about girls peeing in the their pants. Sorry to disappoint you.
3) I don't know anything about the adult bookstores in Flint, Michigan or Fort Wayne, Indiana, but if you go and they're cool, let me know and I'll check it out next time I'm up that way. It's not just books, right?
4) I'm considering putting a link about piercing parlors around the nation because apparently I'm the person to see about it. If I've mentioned a place either by state or by city name, it's quite likely that I've gotten a hit asking about piercing parlors in those cities. I have my ears pierced. Since I was seven. But nothing else. And I don't think I'll ever get anything else pierced. I had a friend (who shall rename nameless) who got her tongue pierced. It looked incredibly painful. She could barely talk. She couldn't eat. Then it started feeling better and then it got infected. So, she had to take it out. Here's the kicker -- she'd do it again! I think it looks cool, but nothing is ever going to pierce my tongue with my permission. Or any other body part for that matter. Anyway, since the only piercing parlor that I know from first hand knowledge is J.C. Penney's, I'd go ahead and look somewhere else for your answers. Good luck! Hope you don't get an infection!
5) My daddy doesn't (and never did) play with my breasts. I don't know how the heck I got this hit, but I want to clear it up right away. Ewwwwwww. Pervert.
6) I don't know anything about Adam Bonin and Jennifer Weiner's marriage or wedding. I think they both seem like pretty cool people. I think it's really neat that they are married, but I'm sure that someone else would be a better source of information. Hey, I know.. Try going to their sites! They probably know more about it than any of the rest of us.
7) The Alamo Drafthouse is an awesome place to see a movie. I give it TWO thumbs up. Good beer, good food, good movies. What more can you ask for? At the theater in Houston this weekend, they're showing "American Mullet," (which is deemed the most important hair documentary ever made). Wow, huh? It doesn't get better than that. If I wasn't going to a FOOTBALL GAME (Oh yeah! Football, football, football! Go Texans! Beat the Broncos! Go Texans! It's your birthday! Go Tex.. Oh! Sorry, I got carried away..) on Saturday night, I might go see it. It's almost illegal to try and get a babysitter for two nights in a row, though, so I think I'm going to have to miss it. It doesn't mean you have to miss it -- go check it out and get back to me about it. Short story long, the theater rocks. Check it out. (They also show mainstream, newly released movies, but what fun is that?)
I think that covers everything (or at least the things I get a fair amount of hits about).
On to my newest issue..
I have this sick fascination (and it's really embarrassing) with watching daytime talk shows about people being reunited after 30 years or women trying to find out if one of seven men is the father of her child(ren). I never get to watch them and I'd almost stopped thinking about them. But I was channel surfing on Monday and I saw that Montel was doing a show that had both topics rolled into one. It was like I hit the jackpot or something. Well, I didn't want to watch that smut in front of my children, so I hit record on the TiVo and went about my business.
Tonight, I was ironing Peter's pants for work tomorrow (I had to throw that in there to sound like a good housewife, but I believe that it might have been the first time I've ever ironed something for him. He usually does the ironing around here. He's better at it and it definitely shows, if you know what I mean), so I decide I'll watch Montel. Everyone else is asleep so it seems like the perfect opportunity to indulge in my secret sickness. I didn't notice when I hit play that it was only going to run for fourteen minutes or I wouldn't have even started watching it. But I did and it cut off without telling me anything. Surely someone, somewhere watched this show (it was Monday's show) and can tell me whether Juliana and Richard are biological brother and sister? And was Dianna switched at birth? I don't know if I'll be able to sleep until I know. And I don't get near enough sleep as it is. This could be a serious issue. I just watched "Fight Club", remember? I know that insomnia can cause crazy things to happen!
You haven't lost respect for me, have you?
1) John likes 400 but not 300. He likes 100 but not 99. He likes 2500 but not 2400. Which number does he like?
The answer is 900, Folks. He likes squared numbers. (20x20=400, 10x10=100, 50x50=2500, and 30x30=900) That should stop the e-mails. There's the answer. It's not that I mind answering the e-mails, it's just that I get all excited when I see that I have a new message (in the account attached to this blog) and invariably it's someone asking whether I found out the answer or not. Read the comments, People. Gwen answered it in the first one!
2) Also, I am not into peeing in my pants, I'm not dying to pee, and I don't have any stories about girls peeing in the their pants. Sorry to disappoint you.
3) I don't know anything about the adult bookstores in Flint, Michigan or Fort Wayne, Indiana, but if you go and they're cool, let me know and I'll check it out next time I'm up that way. It's not just books, right?
4) I'm considering putting a link about piercing parlors around the nation because apparently I'm the person to see about it. If I've mentioned a place either by state or by city name, it's quite likely that I've gotten a hit asking about piercing parlors in those cities. I have my ears pierced. Since I was seven. But nothing else. And I don't think I'll ever get anything else pierced. I had a friend (who shall rename nameless) who got her tongue pierced. It looked incredibly painful. She could barely talk. She couldn't eat. Then it started feeling better and then it got infected. So, she had to take it out. Here's the kicker -- she'd do it again! I think it looks cool, but nothing is ever going to pierce my tongue with my permission. Or any other body part for that matter. Anyway, since the only piercing parlor that I know from first hand knowledge is J.C. Penney's, I'd go ahead and look somewhere else for your answers. Good luck! Hope you don't get an infection!
5) My daddy doesn't (and never did) play with my breasts. I don't know how the heck I got this hit, but I want to clear it up right away. Ewwwwwww. Pervert.
6) I don't know anything about Adam Bonin and Jennifer Weiner's marriage or wedding. I think they both seem like pretty cool people. I think it's really neat that they are married, but I'm sure that someone else would be a better source of information. Hey, I know.. Try going to their sites! They probably know more about it than any of the rest of us.
7) The Alamo Drafthouse is an awesome place to see a movie. I give it TWO thumbs up. Good beer, good food, good movies. What more can you ask for? At the theater in Houston this weekend, they're showing "American Mullet," (which is deemed the most important hair documentary ever made). Wow, huh? It doesn't get better than that. If I wasn't going to a FOOTBALL GAME (Oh yeah! Football, football, football! Go Texans! Beat the Broncos! Go Texans! It's your birthday! Go Tex.. Oh! Sorry, I got carried away..) on Saturday night, I might go see it. It's almost illegal to try and get a babysitter for two nights in a row, though, so I think I'm going to have to miss it. It doesn't mean you have to miss it -- go check it out and get back to me about it. Short story long, the theater rocks. Check it out. (They also show mainstream, newly released movies, but what fun is that?)
I think that covers everything (or at least the things I get a fair amount of hits about).
On to my newest issue..
I have this sick fascination (and it's really embarrassing) with watching daytime talk shows about people being reunited after 30 years or women trying to find out if one of seven men is the father of her child(ren). I never get to watch them and I'd almost stopped thinking about them. But I was channel surfing on Monday and I saw that Montel was doing a show that had both topics rolled into one. It was like I hit the jackpot or something. Well, I didn't want to watch that smut in front of my children, so I hit record on the TiVo and went about my business.
Tonight, I was ironing Peter's pants for work tomorrow (I had to throw that in there to sound like a good housewife, but I believe that it might have been the first time I've ever ironed something for him. He usually does the ironing around here. He's better at it and it definitely shows, if you know what I mean), so I decide I'll watch Montel. Everyone else is asleep so it seems like the perfect opportunity to indulge in my secret sickness. I didn't notice when I hit play that it was only going to run for fourteen minutes or I wouldn't have even started watching it. But I did and it cut off without telling me anything. Surely someone, somewhere watched this show (it was Monday's show) and can tell me whether Juliana and Richard are biological brother and sister? And was Dianna switched at birth? I don't know if I'll be able to sleep until I know. And I don't get near enough sleep as it is. This could be a serious issue. I just watched "Fight Club", remember? I know that insomnia can cause crazy things to happen!
You haven't lost respect for me, have you?
8/05/2003
We rewatched Fight Club last night for the first time since we had originally seen it. It's still one of my favorite movies. It's interesting to rewatch a movie once you know its "twist." I won't go into further detail for any of you who may not have seen it. If you haven't, I highly recommend it. One thing I didn't notice the first time that I watched it was that the last song of the movie is a Toadies cover of Frank Black's (Pixies) "Where is My Mind?". (For those of you just checking in, The Toadies are my favorite band, but alas they are broken up.) I'm not sure how I didn't notice it the first time (probably because my head was still spinning with the storyline), but it just added to my enjoyment of the movie. And also brought me back to the Toadies' last shows where they sang the cover song.. (and now I'm crying. Well, not really.. But I could. That's how much I love them.)
I love movies that have twists -- Sixth Sense, Fight Club, The Others, etc. I know that there are others that I've seen, but I'm drawing a blank right now. Can anyone recommend a movie or movies that I might enjoy based solely on the fact that it has a twist? We love to watch movies in this house. We have a DVD collection that would rival any video store's. In fact, it's very rare that we actually see a movie in the theater anymore.
Peter makes an excellent point for the purchase of the DVD rather than seeing the movie in the theater. When you go to see a movie in the theater, you're forking out between $15-20 just for the two tickets. If you add in a snack bar purchase, you're almost up the $40 for one movie. A DVD costs $15-20 and you can watch it in your underwear if you want. You can pause if you need a potty break. You can eat unlimited snacks. We have an awesome sound system, so really the only thing we're lacking from the movie theater is the big screen. And that fact that you're blinded after you walk out of the dark theater on a bright day. For most movies, you don't really need to see it on the big screen. We see those that necessitate it in the movie theater. We also see all of the kid movies in the movie theater (and buy them later if the kids like it). I also make a point to see anything that I hear has a "twist" in the movie theater before I happen upon some dolt who ruins the movie for me by telling me ahead of time what happens.
So, any recommendations? We have a few movies that we haven't seen yet that we need to watch, but I want something that keeps you thinking the whole time. Something that you're on the edge of your seat about. Or something with a shocking twist. Can you help??
(Now I'm going to go back and figure out where I can add some more parenthetical references, I don't think this post has enough.. Pfft.)
I love movies that have twists -- Sixth Sense, Fight Club, The Others, etc. I know that there are others that I've seen, but I'm drawing a blank right now. Can anyone recommend a movie or movies that I might enjoy based solely on the fact that it has a twist? We love to watch movies in this house. We have a DVD collection that would rival any video store's. In fact, it's very rare that we actually see a movie in the theater anymore.
Peter makes an excellent point for the purchase of the DVD rather than seeing the movie in the theater. When you go to see a movie in the theater, you're forking out between $15-20 just for the two tickets. If you add in a snack bar purchase, you're almost up the $40 for one movie. A DVD costs $15-20 and you can watch it in your underwear if you want. You can pause if you need a potty break. You can eat unlimited snacks. We have an awesome sound system, so really the only thing we're lacking from the movie theater is the big screen. And that fact that you're blinded after you walk out of the dark theater on a bright day. For most movies, you don't really need to see it on the big screen. We see those that necessitate it in the movie theater. We also see all of the kid movies in the movie theater (and buy them later if the kids like it). I also make a point to see anything that I hear has a "twist" in the movie theater before I happen upon some dolt who ruins the movie for me by telling me ahead of time what happens.
So, any recommendations? We have a few movies that we haven't seen yet that we need to watch, but I want something that keeps you thinking the whole time. Something that you're on the edge of your seat about. Or something with a shocking twist. Can you help??
(Now I'm going to go back and figure out where I can add some more parenthetical references, I don't think this post has enough.. Pfft.)
8/04/2003
Nicholas goes back to school in two weeks. I'm ambivalent about it. On the one hand, it'll be nice not to hear the constant bickering, he'll be more active, he'll have fun hanging around his friends (we live in a different school district, so he hasn't seen most of them this summer), etc. On the other hand, we have to get up so early and battle so much traffic to get there that I am not looking forward to it at all.
I've unfortunately (the whole family has really) gotten on this terrible sleeping schedule. The kids go to bed between 10pm and 11pm when their usual bedtime is 8pm. By the time I get them to sleep, I'm ready to wind down and enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet. (That's why I write most of my posts of night -- I've already been interrupted three times in just these few sentences.) I don't know the last time that I went to bed before 2am. It's nuts. Last night, I climbed into bed at 3:20am. I'm so damn tired all day, but every night, the cycle repeats itself. Obviously, that won't work well when school starts.
So, I need to restore some semblance of a healthy sleep schedule around here and FAST.
Yesterday, I took the kids to get their pictures taken. I haven't had a professional picture taken of Zoe since just before she was two-years-old. (I know, Bad Mom!) Now I know why. After 45 minutes of "I don't like to smile" (Zoe) and "I won't smile as long as that frog is on the camera" (Nicholas), we left with me in tears. (The frog was permanently attached to the camera to make babies laugh..) I was so pissed off. Before we even went into the studio, Nicholas was giving me ultimatums. "Mommy, I'm not going to get my picture taken unless you buy me "x" before hand." What?!? Who gave you the right at six-years-old to make ultimatums with me? Gosh, all I could think was "When did my children turn into spoiled brats?" and "When did I lose their respect?" It was a sobering, eye-opening experience. (Hmm, him going back to school is sounding better and better.. ;-) )
Carrie came to my rescue yesterday, though. She came to play with and watch the kids and sent me on the way to enjoy some much needed retail therapy. After fighting the crowds at the mall (it was tax-free weekend) and finding incredible deals, I headed over to Barnes and Nobles to use the gift certificates that I'd received for my birthday. I needed that break so badly. I don't know if I was able to convey how much it meant to me, but it was just what I needed to keep me from losing my mind. Anyway, I was too weary to post yesterday.
Hey, it felt good to vent. Sorry to bore you. :)
I've unfortunately (the whole family has really) gotten on this terrible sleeping schedule. The kids go to bed between 10pm and 11pm when their usual bedtime is 8pm. By the time I get them to sleep, I'm ready to wind down and enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet. (That's why I write most of my posts of night -- I've already been interrupted three times in just these few sentences.) I don't know the last time that I went to bed before 2am. It's nuts. Last night, I climbed into bed at 3:20am. I'm so damn tired all day, but every night, the cycle repeats itself. Obviously, that won't work well when school starts.
So, I need to restore some semblance of a healthy sleep schedule around here and FAST.
Yesterday, I took the kids to get their pictures taken. I haven't had a professional picture taken of Zoe since just before she was two-years-old. (I know, Bad Mom!) Now I know why. After 45 minutes of "I don't like to smile" (Zoe) and "I won't smile as long as that frog is on the camera" (Nicholas), we left with me in tears. (The frog was permanently attached to the camera to make babies laugh..) I was so pissed off. Before we even went into the studio, Nicholas was giving me ultimatums. "Mommy, I'm not going to get my picture taken unless you buy me "x" before hand." What?!? Who gave you the right at six-years-old to make ultimatums with me? Gosh, all I could think was "When did my children turn into spoiled brats?" and "When did I lose their respect?" It was a sobering, eye-opening experience. (Hmm, him going back to school is sounding better and better.. ;-) )
Carrie came to my rescue yesterday, though. She came to play with and watch the kids and sent me on the way to enjoy some much needed retail therapy. After fighting the crowds at the mall (it was tax-free weekend) and finding incredible deals, I headed over to Barnes and Nobles to use the gift certificates that I'd received for my birthday. I needed that break so badly. I don't know if I was able to convey how much it meant to me, but it was just what I needed to keep me from losing my mind. Anyway, I was too weary to post yesterday.
Hey, it felt good to vent. Sorry to bore you. :)
8/02/2003
I feel like I should add that Peter was going to take me. Once he knew how important it was to me, he immediately said that we should go. It was just too much money, though. It goes back to my feeling guilty over money that's spent on my whims. I can spend it like crazy on the kids or Peter or really just about anyone else, but I feel terrible guilt over spending it on myself. But he was going to go.. He just couldn't have gone in the end. He didn't know that when he offered, though.
Peter is a good, good guy. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Peter is a good, good guy. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm not at the Jerry Lee Lewis concert right now. But I'm okay with it. I had pretty much decided that I didn't want to fork out $135.00 (for two tickets plus their exorbitant fees) to go see him anyway. I'll save it for the Vegas fund in October. As it turns out, Peter is still working, so we wouldn't have been able to go anyway. So, it's just as well. If I thought I was upset about not being able to go, I would have been devastated to have tickets and not be able to go. And to have wasted all of that money.
Maybe I'll just repurchase Jerry Lee Lewis' Greatest Hits and pretend I'm at a concert and he's playing the piano right in front of me. And that he's still young and limber and can do amazing things while he plays the piano. Yeah. I'll just keep that memory of him. He can't possibly still be able to do all of that now, right? An added bonus is that I won't have to see Little Richard and have nightmares about it for weeks. Little Richard is a scary, scary man.
See how I turned it into a positive? Damn, I'm glad I didn't go to that concert. Whew.
Maybe I'll just repurchase Jerry Lee Lewis' Greatest Hits and pretend I'm at a concert and he's playing the piano right in front of me. And that he's still young and limber and can do amazing things while he plays the piano. Yeah. I'll just keep that memory of him. He can't possibly still be able to do all of that now, right? An added bonus is that I won't have to see Little Richard and have nightmares about it for weeks. Little Richard is a scary, scary man.
See how I turned it into a positive? Damn, I'm glad I didn't go to that concert. Whew.
Tonight, we went to see The Wiggles. We were all pretty excited about it. ("All" being Zoe, Nicholas and myself.. Peter got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card and was able to go directly home without having to stop and wiggle.) We bought the tickets back in April. So, it's been a long wait.. Finally, today was the day!
We head out to the concert and I had a choice of taking one of two freeways -- I-10 or US-59. They were both going to have a lot of traffic, but I finally settled on US-59. I think it was fate that led me in that direction. I'm driving along and happen to glance over at H-town's Arena Theatre. Generally, no one that I'm interested in seeing actually plays there. (Well, The Wiggles played there last year, but other than that, I'd never been there before nor have I been since.) Anyway, I glance over at the billboard and there it is.. A man that I've adored for as long as I can remember. And he's playing there TOMORROW (actually tonight as I look at the time) night. I don't know how I didn't know about it before now, but somehow (even though I thought I receive every single possible e-mail update there is that should tell me about live music coming to town) I was clueless about it. The man I'm talking about is Jerry Lee Lewis. I love Jerry Lee Lewis. Sure, he's not a positive role model, but the man can play a mean piano. His songs are amazing. I love him. He was supposed to come through Houston about five years ago, but cancelled the show. I thought I would never have the opportunity to see him live. Yet, here it is. I immediately called Carrie and begged her to look it up on Ticketmaster. Alas, there were no tickets. I came home to look on Ebay. Nothing. I thought all hope was lost. Peter was secretly smiling that he wouldn't have to suffer through it after all.. I was very sad.. Realistically, how many more chances am I going to have to see the man? He's 67 years old going through his sixth divorce.. I just can't imagine that he's going on too many more tours.
I just tried one more search on the Arena's website. THEY HAVE TICKETS! At $60 a pop. It's worth it, right? It is. Here's the dilemma.. How do I convince Peter that it's worth it? He wasn't gungho in the first place. It sucks that he's there with Little Richard, but I'd pay $60 to see Jerry Lee all by himself. (Gosh, I hope he's the main act!) What to do? What to do? How do I convince Peter? Damn, I need to win the lottery.
Suggestions?
I'll post about The Wiggles tomorrow. This seemed a bit more pressing to me.
Jerry Lee Lewis! Great Balls of Fire!
(And it's at my requisite "small venue". I could have "A Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" practically right next to Mr. Lewis.)
We head out to the concert and I had a choice of taking one of two freeways -- I-10 or US-59. They were both going to have a lot of traffic, but I finally settled on US-59. I think it was fate that led me in that direction. I'm driving along and happen to glance over at H-town's Arena Theatre. Generally, no one that I'm interested in seeing actually plays there. (Well, The Wiggles played there last year, but other than that, I'd never been there before nor have I been since.) Anyway, I glance over at the billboard and there it is.. A man that I've adored for as long as I can remember. And he's playing there TOMORROW (actually tonight as I look at the time) night. I don't know how I didn't know about it before now, but somehow (even though I thought I receive every single possible e-mail update there is that should tell me about live music coming to town) I was clueless about it. The man I'm talking about is Jerry Lee Lewis. I love Jerry Lee Lewis. Sure, he's not a positive role model, but the man can play a mean piano. His songs are amazing. I love him. He was supposed to come through Houston about five years ago, but cancelled the show. I thought I would never have the opportunity to see him live. Yet, here it is. I immediately called Carrie and begged her to look it up on Ticketmaster. Alas, there were no tickets. I came home to look on Ebay. Nothing. I thought all hope was lost. Peter was secretly smiling that he wouldn't have to suffer through it after all.. I was very sad.. Realistically, how many more chances am I going to have to see the man? He's 67 years old going through his sixth divorce.. I just can't imagine that he's going on too many more tours.
I just tried one more search on the Arena's website. THEY HAVE TICKETS! At $60 a pop. It's worth it, right? It is. Here's the dilemma.. How do I convince Peter that it's worth it? He wasn't gungho in the first place. It sucks that he's there with Little Richard, but I'd pay $60 to see Jerry Lee all by himself. (Gosh, I hope he's the main act!) What to do? What to do? How do I convince Peter? Damn, I need to win the lottery.
Suggestions?
I'll post about The Wiggles tomorrow. This seemed a bit more pressing to me.
Jerry Lee Lewis! Great Balls of Fire!
(And it's at my requisite "small venue". I could have "A Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" practically right next to Mr. Lewis.)
8/01/2003
I received a very interesting e-mail today. Apparently, I am going to be very wealthy soon! What do you guys think? Is it legit? Surely, I should send my bank account number out to him immediately, right?
Here's the e-mail:
TRANSFER OF USD$22MILLION INTO YOUR ACCOUNT
ATTENTION: President\CEO.
I, on behalf of my other colleagues from different
organs of Federal Government of Nigeria (FGN) owned
parastatals decided to solicit your assistance as
regards transfer of the above-mentioned amount into
your bank account. This fund accrued from over
invoicing of various contract awarded in my parastatal
to certain Foreign Contractors sometimes ago.
We, as holders of sensitive position in our various
parastatals, were mandated by the Federal Government
to Scrutinise all payments made to certain foreign
Contractors and we discovered that some of the
contracts they executed were grossly over-invoiced
either by omission or commission. In the process the
sum of US$27M (Twenty Seven Million US Dollars only)
was found lying in the parastatal suspense account
after the foreign contractors had been paid their
rightful dues for executing the said contracts.
We all agreed that this over-invoiced amount be
transferred (for our own use) into a bank account
provided by a foreign partner, because we are
government workers and the Code of Conduct does not
allow us to operate foreign accounts.
However, we have succeeded in transferring some of
this money precisely US$5.0M (Five Million US Dollars
only) into a foreign account in MOROCCO (North
Africa), but the provider of the account in MOROCCO is
up to some mischief and refuses to comply to the
earlier mutual agreement by insisting that the total
amount be paid into his nominated bank account before
disbursement will take effect. If for a meagre sum of
US$5.0M (Five Million US Dollars only) we are not
compensated, is it when the balance of US$22M
(Twenty-two Million US Dollars)is transferred that we
will be sure of our full compensation? Of course, this
abuse of trust and inhumanity calls for sober
reflection and search for absolute trust.
Thus we are seeking your unwavering assistance that
the remaining amount of US$22M can be speedily
processed and fully remitted into your nominated bank
account. On successful remittance of the fund into
your account, you will be compensated with 30% of the
amount for your assistance and services.
So far, much have been said and due to our sensitive
positions, we cannot afford a slip in this transaction
neither can we give out identity as regards our
respective offices, but whereby cordial relationship
is established, smooth operations commences, you will
be furnished with details of all you deserves to know.
I am at your disposition to entertain any question
from you with respect to this transaction, so contact
me immediately through my e:mail for further
information on the requirements and procedure for this
transaction.
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL NOW , THIS IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY,
1. NAME .COMPANY NAME/ADDRESS/
2. BANK NAME/ADDRESS/ACCOUNT NUMBER/
3 YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS .
Please, treat with the strictest confidentiality and
utmost urgency.
Yours faithfully
DR.WEK ASA.
Oops. Do you think I broke the confidentiality part of it? Please don't tell anyone. I'd hate to think I lost a chance at $22 Million just because I told a few people. ;-)
Here's the e-mail:
TRANSFER OF USD$22MILLION INTO YOUR ACCOUNT
ATTENTION: President\CEO.
I, on behalf of my other colleagues from different
organs of Federal Government of Nigeria (FGN) owned
parastatals decided to solicit your assistance as
regards transfer of the above-mentioned amount into
your bank account. This fund accrued from over
invoicing of various contract awarded in my parastatal
to certain Foreign Contractors sometimes ago.
We, as holders of sensitive position in our various
parastatals, were mandated by the Federal Government
to Scrutinise all payments made to certain foreign
Contractors and we discovered that some of the
contracts they executed were grossly over-invoiced
either by omission or commission. In the process the
sum of US$27M (Twenty Seven Million US Dollars only)
was found lying in the parastatal suspense account
after the foreign contractors had been paid their
rightful dues for executing the said contracts.
We all agreed that this over-invoiced amount be
transferred (for our own use) into a bank account
provided by a foreign partner, because we are
government workers and the Code of Conduct does not
allow us to operate foreign accounts.
However, we have succeeded in transferring some of
this money precisely US$5.0M (Five Million US Dollars
only) into a foreign account in MOROCCO (North
Africa), but the provider of the account in MOROCCO is
up to some mischief and refuses to comply to the
earlier mutual agreement by insisting that the total
amount be paid into his nominated bank account before
disbursement will take effect. If for a meagre sum of
US$5.0M (Five Million US Dollars only) we are not
compensated, is it when the balance of US$22M
(Twenty-two Million US Dollars)is transferred that we
will be sure of our full compensation? Of course, this
abuse of trust and inhumanity calls for sober
reflection and search for absolute trust.
Thus we are seeking your unwavering assistance that
the remaining amount of US$22M can be speedily
processed and fully remitted into your nominated bank
account. On successful remittance of the fund into
your account, you will be compensated with 30% of the
amount for your assistance and services.
So far, much have been said and due to our sensitive
positions, we cannot afford a slip in this transaction
neither can we give out identity as regards our
respective offices, but whereby cordial relationship
is established, smooth operations commences, you will
be furnished with details of all you deserves to know.
I am at your disposition to entertain any question
from you with respect to this transaction, so contact
me immediately through my e:mail for further
information on the requirements and procedure for this
transaction.
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL NOW , THIS IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY,
1. NAME .COMPANY NAME/ADDRESS/
2. BANK NAME/ADDRESS/ACCOUNT NUMBER/
3 YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS .
Please, treat with the strictest confidentiality and
utmost urgency.
Yours faithfully
DR.WEK ASA.
Oops. Do you think I broke the confidentiality part of it? Please don't tell anyone. I'd hate to think I lost a chance at $22 Million just because I told a few people. ;-)
7/31/2003
Whew. Since I put that deadline on myself, I've been a little testy. What if I didn't make it back tonight? Would that have meant that I had to throw it all away? Would my credibility have been shot? Thank goodness we didn't have to find out, eh?
So, I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog. "My ramblings" is really exciting and creative and everything, but it doesn't really say much about me. It's lacking something.. Unfortunately, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with some catch phrase that describes my life to a tee. I'm starting to think it should have the word "uncreative" in it somewhere. I think if I go so far as to change the name, I should also move the heck off of Blogger. No offense, Blogger, you've been good to me as I've learned the ropes, but I think I'm ready to say "goodbye". Again, though, I don't have a clue where to start. How does one go about moving? And can you take all of your old furniture with you?
I've been somewhat down about myself lately. I've always heard that anorectics and bulimics look in the mirror and no matter whether they are skin and bones, they see a fat person. That's always been unfathomable to me. If you're skin and bones, it should be obvious, right? I've got the opposite problem. I look into the mirror and I go, "Hey, I look pretty decent. Not too fat. Certainly not skinny, but definitely not gargantuan." (Don't worry, I'm nowhere near being anorexic and falling into the category mentioned above.) My scale says one thing, but the mirror is saying another. The scale says I should be looking in the mirror and not feeling quite as pleased with myself as I do.. But I just ignore it. My clothing size is another indicator that things shouldn't seem quite as peachy when I'm having my love affair with myself in the mirror. But I just assume that clothing sizes are running smaller nowadays or something. I couldn't actually be that size, right? So, I just float along the river of denial. Until I see pictures of myself.. I took a lot of pictures on my trip and in return pictures were taken of me. There were also pictures taken at my surprise party. For some reason, it's always a shock whenever I see a picture of myself. "Whoa," I think. "That can't be me! I can't really look that big. Can I?" Yet, it must be true. I must look that big. My mirror must be telling me lies. And not just one mirror. All of them! It's a conspiracy. When I walk away, they are all laughing at me. "Haha. Fooled her again. Did you see that look of self-satisfaction on her face? It'll sure be a kick in the ass when Camera gets through with her.. And wait until Video Camera gets a chance. She'll be a blubbering mess."
I don't mean to imply that a) I have issues with overweight people or b) that I'm terrifically overweight. I've been really overweight before. While I was pregnant with Nicholas, I gained A LOT of weight. (Which I was in denial about until Video Camera shed some light on the subject..) Eventually, I lost it. When I became pregnant with Zoe, it was a free-for-all with food again. So, I gained a lot of weight again. I finally lost most of it last year. I'm still not at my goal weight, but at times I look in the mirror and I think, "Hey. Maybe this weight isn't so bad after all. Why knock myself out to lose more?" And just when I get into that mindset, I see another picture that snaps me back into reality. I don't have issues with anyone else being overweight -- I just have issues with ME being overweight.
Heh. How's this for irony? I posted (but didn't publish) this so I wouldn't lose it when I walked away from the computer for a minute and this pop-up ad pops up:
IS IT A SIGN? Should I get the patch?? And do I really want to order it from a company that doesn't know the difference between "lose" and "loose"?
I think I'm going to go eat a piece of ice cream cake. Or get a glass of wine. Tomorrow, I order the patch. (Just in case you don't know that I'm kidding, there is NO WAY in hell that I'd buy a weight loss patch.)
So, I've been thinking about changing the name of my blog. "My ramblings" is really exciting and creative and everything, but it doesn't really say much about me. It's lacking something.. Unfortunately, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with some catch phrase that describes my life to a tee. I'm starting to think it should have the word "uncreative" in it somewhere. I think if I go so far as to change the name, I should also move the heck off of Blogger. No offense, Blogger, you've been good to me as I've learned the ropes, but I think I'm ready to say "goodbye". Again, though, I don't have a clue where to start. How does one go about moving? And can you take all of your old furniture with you?
I've been somewhat down about myself lately. I've always heard that anorectics and bulimics look in the mirror and no matter whether they are skin and bones, they see a fat person. That's always been unfathomable to me. If you're skin and bones, it should be obvious, right? I've got the opposite problem. I look into the mirror and I go, "Hey, I look pretty decent. Not too fat. Certainly not skinny, but definitely not gargantuan." (Don't worry, I'm nowhere near being anorexic and falling into the category mentioned above.) My scale says one thing, but the mirror is saying another. The scale says I should be looking in the mirror and not feeling quite as pleased with myself as I do.. But I just ignore it. My clothing size is another indicator that things shouldn't seem quite as peachy when I'm having my love affair with myself in the mirror. But I just assume that clothing sizes are running smaller nowadays or something. I couldn't actually be that size, right? So, I just float along the river of denial. Until I see pictures of myself.. I took a lot of pictures on my trip and in return pictures were taken of me. There were also pictures taken at my surprise party. For some reason, it's always a shock whenever I see a picture of myself. "Whoa," I think. "That can't be me! I can't really look that big. Can I?" Yet, it must be true. I must look that big. My mirror must be telling me lies. And not just one mirror. All of them! It's a conspiracy. When I walk away, they are all laughing at me. "Haha. Fooled her again. Did you see that look of self-satisfaction on her face? It'll sure be a kick in the ass when Camera gets through with her.. And wait until Video Camera gets a chance. She'll be a blubbering mess."
I don't mean to imply that a) I have issues with overweight people or b) that I'm terrifically overweight. I've been really overweight before. While I was pregnant with Nicholas, I gained A LOT of weight. (Which I was in denial about until Video Camera shed some light on the subject..) Eventually, I lost it. When I became pregnant with Zoe, it was a free-for-all with food again. So, I gained a lot of weight again. I finally lost most of it last year. I'm still not at my goal weight, but at times I look in the mirror and I think, "Hey. Maybe this weight isn't so bad after all. Why knock myself out to lose more?" And just when I get into that mindset, I see another picture that snaps me back into reality. I don't have issues with anyone else being overweight -- I just have issues with ME being overweight.
Heh. How's this for irony? I posted (but didn't publish) this so I wouldn't lose it when I walked away from the computer for a minute and this pop-up ad pops up:
IS IT A SIGN? Should I get the patch?? And do I really want to order it from a company that doesn't know the difference between "lose" and "loose"?
I think I'm going to go eat a piece of ice cream cake. Or get a glass of wine. Tomorrow, I order the patch. (Just in case you don't know that I'm kidding, there is NO WAY in hell that I'd buy a weight loss patch.)
7/30/2003
I don't have time to write this morning. We're off to see "Finding Nemo" (again) and to go swimming. Nicholas taught himself to swim yesterday (isn't that amazing?!) and now we have to find a way to swim as much as possible. (Thank goodness school starts in three weeks.. Swimming's not my favorite activity. Something about getting into a swimsuit..)
Anyway, that's where we are. I know you'll be waiting in anticipation for my next post.. (Or not.)
Anyway, that's where we are. I know you'll be waiting in anticipation for my next post.. (Or not.)
7/29/2003
I don't know if I've mentioned this here before or not, but my mother has Parkinson's Disease. That's not really the point of this conversation (post, whatever), though.
Last night, we were writing a letter to her company letting them know that she's unable to do her job any longer. Three paragraphs took us over two hours to write. It took that long because my mother kept rearranging my sentences. I'd write something and about five minutes later she'd change the format or the wording or everything about the sentence.
My question (did you know this was a Q & A session?) is this: Are my sentences hard to comprehend? Do you find yourself rearranging the words in your head to make them more comprehensible? Do you think to yourself "Sheesh, this chick needs to go back to grammar school?" Do you have to fight to understand what I'm saying? I'm just curious is all.
If you guys are having the same problems as my mother, please feel free to let me know. I'll start proofreading and trying to decipher what I'm writing before I post it. It's common courtesy.
I still haven't replied to Pinky's emails. I'm really down on myself about it too. Especially because she's so understanding about it. But here's the thing.. She's awesome. I was telling my friends in Canada (whom {who?} I ironically met through e-mail which is pretty much the same forum as this) how weird it is that I met Pinky (and she does have a real name, but she doesn't use it online, so I'm not going to) through blogging, but I think she's the .. she's the shiznit. (See there, I tried to avoid using the word "bomb" and I'm left with "shiznit". Something's not right with this picture.) I swear we would become instant friends if we were to meet in "real life." When I read her blog, I can so identify with all of her music choices and memories about music. I'm a trivia addict. I would LOVE to be on her trivia team. If I lived in North Carolina or she lived in Texas, we would be alternating nights between trivia nights and live music nights. Luckily, my in-laws are moving to North Carolina soon, so there's a chance that our paths will cross in the future. All I am saying, Pinky, is that even if I suck at replying to e-mails, I'm still thinking about you and feel honored to "know" you. :)
I "met" Pinky through Gwen's site. She answered one of Gwen's monthly (bi-monthly? tri-monthly?) surveys and linked to Pinky's blog. I mention Gwen because she sent me an e-mail today about missing her show. She said (in reference to mine and Carrie's inability to attend the show and her wanting to have a guest list of sorts for the next one), "because y'all and one of my cousins and a few other specialer-than-normal people didn't get in." Awww. I'm specialer-than-normal. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? I've never been specialer-than-normal before. It's almost worth writing down so I'll remember it in the future.. Wait, I just did that, didn't I?
As usual, I am up way too late. I was talking to a friend about a trip to Vegas in October. A trip that will hopefully include Laurie. (Actually, she better be there or I'll kick her ass.) We tried to get Laurie on the phone, but all I got was a busy signal. I hate busy signals. No offense to you, Laurie, but have you thought about call waiting? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. I try to make a point of not clicking over to someone else unless it's a) Peter (and it might be an emergency) or b) someone who is watching Nicholas and Zoe (and it might be an emergency). You could do that too! Busy signals just make me cringe. My love for you is unwavering, Laurie, but, well, the busy signal.. it made me curse. And I normally have pristine language. (Shhhh, Peter and Carrie.) That was a pause back there between "busy signal" and "it", if you couldn't tell.
Speaking of pauses (and then I am going to bed), Peter brought home the current "Playboy" for me this past week. I do think the articles are good (I really do!), but he brought it home because Jenna and Heidi from "Survivor" were in the issue. Anyway, he was reading the jokes to me one night. Tonight, I leave you with one of them (which may or may not be verbatim as I have the "Playboy" hidden somewhere from my kids and I don't know where it is right now):
A bear walks into a bar.
Bartender: What can I get you?
Bear: A gin and ... tonic. (The "..." represent a pause.)
Bartender: What's with the pause?
Bear: I was born with them.
Now, that's funny stuff. (Not quite as funny as Jenna and Heidi frolicking together, but funny nonetheless.)
Night, All.
Last night, we were writing a letter to her company letting them know that she's unable to do her job any longer. Three paragraphs took us over two hours to write. It took that long because my mother kept rearranging my sentences. I'd write something and about five minutes later she'd change the format or the wording or everything about the sentence.
My question (did you know this was a Q & A session?) is this: Are my sentences hard to comprehend? Do you find yourself rearranging the words in your head to make them more comprehensible? Do you think to yourself "Sheesh, this chick needs to go back to grammar school?" Do you have to fight to understand what I'm saying? I'm just curious is all.
If you guys are having the same problems as my mother, please feel free to let me know. I'll start proofreading and trying to decipher what I'm writing before I post it. It's common courtesy.
I still haven't replied to Pinky's emails. I'm really down on myself about it too. Especially because she's so understanding about it. But here's the thing.. She's awesome. I was telling my friends in Canada (whom {who?} I ironically met through e-mail which is pretty much the same forum as this) how weird it is that I met Pinky (and she does have a real name, but she doesn't use it online, so I'm not going to) through blogging, but I think she's the .. she's the shiznit. (See there, I tried to avoid using the word "bomb" and I'm left with "shiznit". Something's not right with this picture.) I swear we would become instant friends if we were to meet in "real life." When I read her blog, I can so identify with all of her music choices and memories about music. I'm a trivia addict. I would LOVE to be on her trivia team. If I lived in North Carolina or she lived in Texas, we would be alternating nights between trivia nights and live music nights. Luckily, my in-laws are moving to North Carolina soon, so there's a chance that our paths will cross in the future. All I am saying, Pinky, is that even if I suck at replying to e-mails, I'm still thinking about you and feel honored to "know" you. :)
I "met" Pinky through Gwen's site. She answered one of Gwen's monthly (bi-monthly? tri-monthly?) surveys and linked to Pinky's blog. I mention Gwen because she sent me an e-mail today about missing her show. She said (in reference to mine and Carrie's inability to attend the show and her wanting to have a guest list of sorts for the next one), "because y'all and one of my cousins and a few other specialer-than-normal people didn't get in." Awww. I'm specialer-than-normal. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? I've never been specialer-than-normal before. It's almost worth writing down so I'll remember it in the future.. Wait, I just did that, didn't I?
As usual, I am up way too late. I was talking to a friend about a trip to Vegas in October. A trip that will hopefully include Laurie. (Actually, she better be there or I'll kick her ass.) We tried to get Laurie on the phone, but all I got was a busy signal. I hate busy signals. No offense to you, Laurie, but have you thought about call waiting? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. I try to make a point of not clicking over to someone else unless it's a) Peter (and it might be an emergency) or b) someone who is watching Nicholas and Zoe (and it might be an emergency). You could do that too! Busy signals just make me cringe. My love for you is unwavering, Laurie, but, well, the busy signal.. it made me curse. And I normally have pristine language. (Shhhh, Peter and Carrie.) That was a pause back there between "busy signal" and "it", if you couldn't tell.
Speaking of pauses (and then I am going to bed), Peter brought home the current "Playboy" for me this past week. I do think the articles are good (I really do!), but he brought it home because Jenna and Heidi from "Survivor" were in the issue. Anyway, he was reading the jokes to me one night. Tonight, I leave you with one of them (which may or may not be verbatim as I have the "Playboy" hidden somewhere from my kids and I don't know where it is right now):
A bear walks into a bar.
Bartender: What can I get you?
Bear: A gin and ... tonic. (The "..." represent a pause.)
Bartender: What's with the pause?
Bear: I was born with them.
Now, that's funny stuff. (Not quite as funny as Jenna and Heidi frolicking together, but funny nonetheless.)
Night, All.
7/28/2003
I mentioned in my last post that I thought that Saturday night was going to be a late night. I thought we'd be up playing games or talking or something like that..
I was right about the late part, but it was because I was thrown a SURPRISE PARTY! Peter (with a lot of help from Carrie) threw me a surprise party! You don't think it was all the plugging I did here, do you? What I don't understand is why you weren't there.. Did you not get an invite? I had a great time. It was wonderful to see some people that I hadn't seen in a long time. We stayed up waaaay too late. (I finally went to sleep at 5am and people were still here!) It was truly wonderful, though.
So, needless to say, I was too tired/hungover/braindead to post anything yesterday. It was for a good cause, though. I'm still feeling a bit worn out.. Until I sneak in a nap later today, I'll leave you with a Zoeism.
Zoe is complaining about having to sleep in her own bed..
Zoe: I'm too scared to sleep alone. I'm always too scared. I can never, ever sleep when I am in my own bed. I HAVE to sleep in your bed.
Me: Daddy (aka Peter), maybe we should sign Zoe up for acting classes.
Peter: Yeah, I think so. Zoe, do you know what an actor is?
Zoe: No.
Peter: An actor is someone who is pretending to be someone or something else than they are. You are doing such a good job at pretending that you're scared at night that it's almost believable.
Zoe (with much indignation): It IS NOT believable. It's the truth!!
Many, many thanks to Peter and Carrie for my party. I had a great time!
I was right about the late part, but it was because I was thrown a SURPRISE PARTY! Peter (with a lot of help from Carrie) threw me a surprise party! You don't think it was all the plugging I did here, do you? What I don't understand is why you weren't there.. Did you not get an invite? I had a great time. It was wonderful to see some people that I hadn't seen in a long time. We stayed up waaaay too late. (I finally went to sleep at 5am and people were still here!) It was truly wonderful, though.
So, needless to say, I was too tired/hungover/braindead to post anything yesterday. It was for a good cause, though. I'm still feeling a bit worn out.. Until I sneak in a nap later today, I'll leave you with a Zoeism.
Zoe is complaining about having to sleep in her own bed..
Zoe: I'm too scared to sleep alone. I'm always too scared. I can never, ever sleep when I am in my own bed. I HAVE to sleep in your bed.
Me: Daddy (aka Peter), maybe we should sign Zoe up for acting classes.
Peter: Yeah, I think so. Zoe, do you know what an actor is?
Zoe: No.
Peter: An actor is someone who is pretending to be someone or something else than they are. You are doing such a good job at pretending that you're scared at night that it's almost believable.
Zoe (with much indignation): It IS NOT believable. It's the truth!!
Many, many thanks to Peter and Carrie for my party. I had a great time!
7/26/2003
I was rendered speechless by the whole Michael Savage thing..
Nah, I was just really busy yesterday. I had errand after errand. My sister-in-law and nephew were hanging out with me the whole day. Then I had to rush to get ready for Gwen's show. But I took too long and it was sold out when we got there. (That sucked.) So, Carrie and I went out to eat instead. Then we went to have a few beers to celebrate that it was her last day of work and I was celebrating.. well, who really needs a reason to celebrate and have a beer? Besides, it was my first night out in ages..
While were at the bar, I get a phone call from Peter, who in turn put someone else on the phone. No, it wasn't his girlfriend. She only comes around when I'm out of town. He doesn't want the kids to see her. (I'm going to quit making these jokes lest you think I'm serious. I'm not. Peter and I love each other very, very, very much. There is NO WAY he is cheating on me. We are truly one of the happiest couples I know. Not to rub it in or anything..) So, it wasn't Peter's girlfriend, but a friend from high school that I haven't seen in two and a half years. How exciting, eh? I looked down, made a quick weight assessment (I'm not near as fat as the last time she saw me! Woohoo!), clothing check (Cool. I was originally going out to meet Gwen, remember?), and hair check (Uh-oh. I'm having a terminal bad hair day. Perhaps I'll shave my head today!).
We rushed home and it was great to see her. We had a lot of catching up to do. Unfortunately, we caught up until almost 2am. This morning, we have to be at a birthday party in 32 minutes. I'm really tired. We're going out to dinner tonight with some friends. It's probably going to be a late night tonight too. Just a warning that the coherency level of my posts is going to go down as the weekend progresses.
On that note, I'm off to do cartwheels and backflips and ... Wait, I just get to watch. Unfair! (As if I could do either of those things anyway.)
Nah, I was just really busy yesterday. I had errand after errand. My sister-in-law and nephew were hanging out with me the whole day. Then I had to rush to get ready for Gwen's show. But I took too long and it was sold out when we got there. (That sucked.) So, Carrie and I went out to eat instead. Then we went to have a few beers to celebrate that it was her last day of work and I was celebrating.. well, who really needs a reason to celebrate and have a beer? Besides, it was my first night out in ages..
While were at the bar, I get a phone call from Peter, who in turn put someone else on the phone. No, it wasn't his girlfriend. She only comes around when I'm out of town. He doesn't want the kids to see her. (I'm going to quit making these jokes lest you think I'm serious. I'm not. Peter and I love each other very, very, very much. There is NO WAY he is cheating on me. We are truly one of the happiest couples I know. Not to rub it in or anything..) So, it wasn't Peter's girlfriend, but a friend from high school that I haven't seen in two and a half years. How exciting, eh? I looked down, made a quick weight assessment (I'm not near as fat as the last time she saw me! Woohoo!), clothing check (Cool. I was originally going out to meet Gwen, remember?), and hair check (Uh-oh. I'm having a terminal bad hair day. Perhaps I'll shave my head today!).
We rushed home and it was great to see her. We had a lot of catching up to do. Unfortunately, we caught up until almost 2am. This morning, we have to be at a birthday party in 32 minutes. I'm really tired. We're going out to dinner tonight with some friends. It's probably going to be a late night tonight too. Just a warning that the coherency level of my posts is going to go down as the weekend progresses.
On that note, I'm off to do cartwheels and backflips and ... Wait, I just get to watch. Unfair! (As if I could do either of those things anyway.)
7/25/2003
Is this guy for real? Does he actually think the the good people of the state of California are idiots?!?
Being a Texan (who hasn't been reading the news as of late -- shame on me), I wasn't too informed about the situation with Gray Davis in California and the issue of whether to recall him. (Speaking of recall, would it be a "Total Recall" if Arnold was to take his place?) Today, I was educated about it on my August list.
Anyway, I am driving to the grocery store tonight in Peter's car. Peter is a talk radio addict. Savage Nation is on the air. (Peter's not a right wing, bury a bus in the backyard, conservative whacko. It just happened to be on the air on the station he normally listens to.) I get to hear bits and pieces of this imbecile's show whenever I take my late night trips to the store. Tonight, he's asking whether he should run for governor in California. Is he serious? Does he really think that the guy who called in to say, "Don't let them ravage, vote for Savage!" is actually part of a large group? Does he really believe that people in California are so stupid that they'd vote him into office? It was probably the same guy calling in over and over and disguising his voice. Or perhaps it was even Mr. Savage himself. I wouldn't put it past him.
I'm sure this is just a publicity stunt. But all the same, I'm fearful that if he were to get on the ballot something catastrophic would happen that would keep all of the sane, intelligent people away from the polls allowing the worst to happen and have him voted in to actually run the state. Can you imagine? It would be chaos! I think I might have nightmares tonight just thinking about it. In the times that I've actually listened to him (and really just for some comic relief), the man (and his ideas) has been so far out in right field that I can only hope that all of his listeners are taking EVERYTHING he says with a grain of salt. It's terrifying to think that there are people out there who are actually buying into his bullshit theories. Please tell me that none of you fit that category.
As a rule, I try to stay out of political discussions. I think it's a quick way to get feelings hurt and lose friends. I won't espouse my mostly liberal views here. I just couldn't sit back and not say something tonight. Michael Savage is a .. is a .. My mother always told me that if you can't say something nice, it's probably better to say nothing at all. Oops too late. Sorry, Mom.
Being a Texan (who hasn't been reading the news as of late -- shame on me), I wasn't too informed about the situation with Gray Davis in California and the issue of whether to recall him. (Speaking of recall, would it be a "Total Recall" if Arnold was to take his place?) Today, I was educated about it on my August list.
Anyway, I am driving to the grocery store tonight in Peter's car. Peter is a talk radio addict. Savage Nation is on the air. (Peter's not a right wing, bury a bus in the backyard, conservative whacko. It just happened to be on the air on the station he normally listens to.) I get to hear bits and pieces of this imbecile's show whenever I take my late night trips to the store. Tonight, he's asking whether he should run for governor in California. Is he serious? Does he really think that the guy who called in to say, "Don't let them ravage, vote for Savage!" is actually part of a large group? Does he really believe that people in California are so stupid that they'd vote him into office? It was probably the same guy calling in over and over and disguising his voice. Or perhaps it was even Mr. Savage himself. I wouldn't put it past him.
I'm sure this is just a publicity stunt. But all the same, I'm fearful that if he were to get on the ballot something catastrophic would happen that would keep all of the sane, intelligent people away from the polls allowing the worst to happen and have him voted in to actually run the state. Can you imagine? It would be chaos! I think I might have nightmares tonight just thinking about it. In the times that I've actually listened to him (and really just for some comic relief), the man (and his ideas) has been so far out in right field that I can only hope that all of his listeners are taking EVERYTHING he says with a grain of salt. It's terrifying to think that there are people out there who are actually buying into his bullshit theories. Please tell me that none of you fit that category.
As a rule, I try to stay out of political discussions. I think it's a quick way to get feelings hurt and lose friends. I won't espouse my mostly liberal views here. I just couldn't sit back and not say something tonight. Michael Savage is a .. is a .. My mother always told me that if you can't say something nice, it's probably better to say nothing at all. Oops too late. Sorry, Mom.
7/24/2003
Apparently "online chat" is synonymous with "Natalie gets drunk." Sheesh.
Of my goals yesterday, I accomplished four of them. Not bad, four out of seven. That's the majority of the tasks. See, I can do math!
So, I still need to vacuum, write Pinky, and clean Zoe's room. Unfortunately, I have to do them right now because the exterminator is coming and I don't want to stay here after he comes. (He comes every three months like clockwork. You have to stay ahead of the game!)
I'll catch up later. (Famous last words..)
Of my goals yesterday, I accomplished four of them. Not bad, four out of seven. That's the majority of the tasks. See, I can do math!
So, I still need to vacuum, write Pinky, and clean Zoe's room. Unfortunately, I have to do them right now because the exterminator is coming and I don't want to stay here after he comes. (He comes every three months like clockwork. You have to stay ahead of the game!)
I'll catch up later. (Famous last words..)
7/23/2003
One additional note..
Football season is upon us. (Thank goodness!) In the future, you might start to hear a little more talk about the best sport EVER. I am a diehard football fan.
(singing in my best Hank Williams Jr. voice)
Are you ready for some football?!?
(/singing in my best Hank Williams Jr. voice)
This is the year for the Texans. (Who, by the way, didn't ask for my input at all when deciding on a name. The Texans? C'mon. We could've done better than that!) Last year was a just a trial run. We were just getting the feel of things. While doing that, we afforded some teams some embarrassing losses. (Cough, the Cowboys, Cough, and Steelers, Cough) Of course, we lost a few ourselves that were a bit boggling. (Unfortunately, I was present when the Bengals reamed us.)
Anyway, if you're not into football, you've got until August 9th (that's when we play the Broncos in preseason) before you're bombarded with football talk for about sixish months. At least on Sundays. And possibly Mondays. And maybe on Tuesday mornings. Probably a little bit on Saturday nights too.
Just a warning.
P.S. Buzz seems to think it's the Cowboy's year. Could someone please set him straight?
Football season is upon us. (Thank goodness!) In the future, you might start to hear a little more talk about the best sport EVER. I am a diehard football fan.
(singing in my best Hank Williams Jr. voice)
Are you ready for some football?!?
(/singing in my best Hank Williams Jr. voice)
This is the year for the Texans. (Who, by the way, didn't ask for my input at all when deciding on a name. The Texans? C'mon. We could've done better than that!) Last year was a just a trial run. We were just getting the feel of things. While doing that, we afforded some teams some embarrassing losses. (Cough, the Cowboys, Cough, and Steelers, Cough) Of course, we lost a few ourselves that were a bit boggling. (Unfortunately, I was present when the Bengals reamed us.)
Anyway, if you're not into football, you've got until August 9th (that's when we play the Broncos in preseason) before you're bombarded with football talk for about sixish months. At least on Sundays. And possibly Mondays. And maybe on Tuesday mornings. Probably a little bit on Saturday nights too.
Just a warning.
P.S. Buzz seems to think it's the Cowboy's year. Could someone please set him straight?
I could write a long post about laundry (Surf, now called All, is the best), cleaning (I like Formula 409 for an all-purpose cleaner), making the beds (What's the point? You're just going to get right back into it at night.) or some other completely uninteresting topic (since that's what my life has consisted of since we last spoke), but because I like you, I won't. You're welcome.
Instead, I present some photographs..
Here's what happens when you give Cindy the camera to take the picture:
That's me on the left. Lovely picture, eh?
This is what Nicholas thought of Niagara Falls:
"Duuuuuuuude. It rocked." Oh wait, maybe he didn't say it exactly like that.
Nicholas took this picture of Zoe and me. A little close, but who really cares?
Close up photos make my nose and teeth look huge. In real life, they are perfectly proportionate, of course. Strangely, the camera also adds 20-30 pounds and, on some days, makes my skin look like a teenager's. Maybe I should look into getting a new camera!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are my goals for today:
1. Make beds.
2. Actually respond to dryer beeping instead of pretending like I don't hear it.
3. Unload/Reload dishwasher.
4. Vacuum.
5. Finally respond to Pinky's email(s).
6. Clean Zoe's room. Also, lecture Zoe again about keeping her room clean. Watch in amazement as words go in one ear and out the other.
7. Make delectable dinner for my family. (This will be a challenge!)
Now, I know you're jealous, but there's really no need to be. I know that my life is a thrill a minute, but don't begrudge me for it. I know that I'm lucky and I really wouldn't want it any other way.
(You don't think I use "really" too much, do you? I'm nothing if not consistent with my overuse of certain words.)
Instead, I present some photographs..
Here's what happens when you give Cindy the camera to take the picture:
That's me on the left. Lovely picture, eh?
This is what Nicholas thought of Niagara Falls:
"Duuuuuuuude. It rocked." Oh wait, maybe he didn't say it exactly like that.
Nicholas took this picture of Zoe and me. A little close, but who really cares?
Close up photos make my nose and teeth look huge. In real life, they are perfectly proportionate, of course. Strangely, the camera also adds 20-30 pounds and, on some days, makes my skin look like a teenager's. Maybe I should look into getting a new camera!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here are my goals for today:
1. Make beds.
2. Actually respond to dryer beeping instead of pretending like I don't hear it.
3. Unload/Reload dishwasher.
4. Vacuum.
5. Finally respond to Pinky's email(s).
6. Clean Zoe's room. Also, lecture Zoe again about keeping her room clean. Watch in amazement as words go in one ear and out the other.
7. Make delectable dinner for my family. (This will be a challenge!)
Now, I know you're jealous, but there's really no need to be. I know that my life is a thrill a minute, but don't begrudge me for it. I know that I'm lucky and I really wouldn't want it any other way.
(You don't think I use "really" too much, do you? I'm nothing if not consistent with my overuse of certain words.)
7/22/2003
I really want to go to this on Friday. Anyone want to babysit? Gwen rocks.
I devoured IN HER SHOES once I received it for my birthday. Jennifer Weiner writes great books. I seriously couldn't put it down. (Psst.. Her husband has a great site too. Are you all still reading like I asked you to?)
I went to the dentist yesterday and had the second half of my root canal done. Isn't it awkward to be sitting under two people having a conversation over you and to not be able to participate? Or, even worse, have them ask you a question that you obviously can't answer. You just gurgle at them and hope they understand that a) you're really not able to respond right now and b) that by responding in any form you are risking choking on your own saliva. It was a long office visit. They had my mouth opened by a bite block for almost two hours. When it was over, she asked me to bite down to make sure that my teeth matched right. I couldn't close my mouth. My jaw had been wrenched open for so long that I couldn't close my mouth. I was finally able to close my mouth and reassure her that everything felt fine (with the exception of my mouth being numb and my drooling because of it), grabbed a new flosscard and hightailed it out of there. I get to go back in two weeks. I can't wait!
I really should be doing my housewifely duties (i.e. laundry, make the beds, vacuuming, etc.), but I just can't get in the mood. Oh hell, since we're being honest, I'm never in the mood. I hate cleaning. There's nothing fun about it. You'd think the reward of a clean house at the end would make it a somewhat satisfying experience, but when you live with two little tornadoes who stir up everything you've just picked up, it's hard to get excited about cleaning just to have it look like a wreck again in 30 minutes. Peter would tell you that I'm like a tsunami, but I swear it's not me making the majority of the mess. Really. Our house looked fantastic when we got home from Canada, though. Very, very clean. It lasted about an hour, I think. Poor Peter.
Hey, here's a picture of our house if you're interested. It's like a castle. Okay, so we outgrew it the day we moved in, but we love the house. It's right around the corner from my mother. All that aside, we're hoping to move soon to a bigger house near Nicholas' school. (Let's see if I can remember how to do this..)
And while I'm posting pictures, here's a picture of the welcome home sign that Peter made for us and hung in the kitchen. He's a sweet guy. (Or he's feeling terribly guilty about having his girlfriend in the house for the last two weeks. Hmm.)
I need to make lunch for my kiddos, but I'll leave you with a few things said by the kids while on the trip.
About Pop Rocks
Nicholas: Zoe, do you want some of my Pop Rocks?
Zoe: Yeah!
Nicholas: Okay, but be sure and eat them really, really fast. If you leave them on your tongue too long, it starts to hurt. It really, really hurts. So, be careful. (He hands them to her.)
Zoe: No way! I don't want it any!
(I wonder why?!?)
The kids are screaming in the backseat while I am trying to maneuver my way through Canada..
Me: Please stop screaming. I am trying to concentrate.
Kids: (screaming at the top of their lungs)
Me: I'm serious. If you scream one more time, you're going to be quiet for the rest of the trip. (We weren't that far away by this point.)
Nicholas (to Zoe): Go ahead and scream. She'll never make us be quiet.
Interesting!
Zoe: (screaaaaaaaam)
A side note: They WERE quiet for the rest of the trip. He's right I probably would've let them talk sooner, but since they see me as a pushover and are willing to say it out loud with me RIGHT THERE, I figured it was time to take a stand.
I'll post more pictures from my trip later.
I devoured IN HER SHOES once I received it for my birthday. Jennifer Weiner writes great books. I seriously couldn't put it down. (Psst.. Her husband has a great site too. Are you all still reading like I asked you to?)
I went to the dentist yesterday and had the second half of my root canal done. Isn't it awkward to be sitting under two people having a conversation over you and to not be able to participate? Or, even worse, have them ask you a question that you obviously can't answer. You just gurgle at them and hope they understand that a) you're really not able to respond right now and b) that by responding in any form you are risking choking on your own saliva. It was a long office visit. They had my mouth opened by a bite block for almost two hours. When it was over, she asked me to bite down to make sure that my teeth matched right. I couldn't close my mouth. My jaw had been wrenched open for so long that I couldn't close my mouth. I was finally able to close my mouth and reassure her that everything felt fine (with the exception of my mouth being numb and my drooling because of it), grabbed a new flosscard and hightailed it out of there. I get to go back in two weeks. I can't wait!
I really should be doing my housewifely duties (i.e. laundry, make the beds, vacuuming, etc.), but I just can't get in the mood. Oh hell, since we're being honest, I'm never in the mood. I hate cleaning. There's nothing fun about it. You'd think the reward of a clean house at the end would make it a somewhat satisfying experience, but when you live with two little tornadoes who stir up everything you've just picked up, it's hard to get excited about cleaning just to have it look like a wreck again in 30 minutes. Peter would tell you that I'm like a tsunami, but I swear it's not me making the majority of the mess. Really. Our house looked fantastic when we got home from Canada, though. Very, very clean. It lasted about an hour, I think. Poor Peter.
Hey, here's a picture of our house if you're interested. It's like a castle. Okay, so we outgrew it the day we moved in, but we love the house. It's right around the corner from my mother. All that aside, we're hoping to move soon to a bigger house near Nicholas' school. (Let's see if I can remember how to do this..)
And while I'm posting pictures, here's a picture of the welcome home sign that Peter made for us and hung in the kitchen. He's a sweet guy. (Or he's feeling terribly guilty about having his girlfriend in the house for the last two weeks. Hmm.)
I need to make lunch for my kiddos, but I'll leave you with a few things said by the kids while on the trip.
About Pop Rocks
Nicholas: Zoe, do you want some of my Pop Rocks?
Zoe: Yeah!
Nicholas: Okay, but be sure and eat them really, really fast. If you leave them on your tongue too long, it starts to hurt. It really, really hurts. So, be careful. (He hands them to her.)
Zoe: No way! I don't want it any!
(I wonder why?!?)
The kids are screaming in the backseat while I am trying to maneuver my way through Canada..
Me: Please stop screaming. I am trying to concentrate.
Kids: (screaming at the top of their lungs)
Me: I'm serious. If you scream one more time, you're going to be quiet for the rest of the trip. (We weren't that far away by this point.)
Nicholas (to Zoe): Go ahead and scream. She'll never make us be quiet.
Interesting!
Zoe: (screaaaaaaaam)
A side note: They WERE quiet for the rest of the trip. He's right I probably would've let them talk sooner, but since they see me as a pushover and are willing to say it out loud with me RIGHT THERE, I figured it was time to take a stand.
I'll post more pictures from my trip later.
7/20/2003
Here is one last travelogue of sorts before I get to back to detailing the mundane happenings of my life.
I hit the road from Indianapolis on Friday morning. It doesn't take long to reach Illinois. I don't have too much to say about Illinois except that they have signs in their work zones that actually work. It's very rare that I actually observe too many of the signs asking me to slow down. I'm generally in a hurry to get where I'm going and usually there isn't a single soul working when they have you slow down. Illinois, however, has signs that are written in child-like script that say either, "Please slow down. My mommy works here. Thank you, Bobby" or "Please slow down. My daddy works here. Thank you, Abbi." The letters "s" and "y" are backwards as if a child had actually written it. I slowed down. I didn't want to be the one who deprived little Bobby or Abbi of their mommy and daddy. Very good marketing ploy. Perhaps it's because I am a mommy, though. Of course, there wasn't anyone actually doing road work, though. Illinois must take lessons from Michigan in the mind games department. Except that Illinois throws in the guilt to go with it. I feel like a sucker.
Have you ever noticed that the Waffle House sign is actually bigger than the Waffle house building itself? Maybe they should think about a smaller sign and a bigger building.
Coffee is vile, vile stuff. I don't how all of you drink the stuff on a daily basis. Cappucino on the other hand is very good. Anything that tastes that good must be laden with calories. I don't want to know if this is the case. I'd much rather be of the mindset that it's practically calorie free.
Speaking of calories, I feel cheated. I was told that Canadian food is calorie free. If this is true, how did I gain five pounds on this trip? Was it false advertising? What the hell?!?
I think unmarked police cars should be illegal. I don't know what state I was in (they all kind of blurred together on the way home), but every car that I saw pulled over was pulled over by an unmarked police car. One, it's very sneaky. Two, I don't know that I would actually pull over if I was being pursued by an unmarked car. How am I to know (until it's too late) that it's not some Ted Bundy serial killer just trying to get me to stop in order to slash me to bits? Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about it. I managed to drive almost 4,000 miles without getting pulled over once. I even drove really, really fast yesterday because I was anxious to get home and also because surely you're exempt from tickets on your birthday, right?
There are an inordinate amount of adult book stores on the interstates. They are everywhere! I would have loved to have been able to stop and check one out. Just to see what the big draw is -- they must be full of exciting things if there are so many of them. It can't be just a big book store.
I listened to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack as I was driving. Am I the only person who liked this movie? And the music? (With the exception of "The Academy"?) I've never met anyone in person who actually liked the movie, but I loved it. Did any of you like it? Or am I really the only one?
How neat is it that there's a town called Cooter, Missouri? What possessed the town founders to say "I know! Let's call the town 'Cooter'. It's describes the land and the people perfectly."?
We stopped in a store in Arkansas to get something to drink. There was a rack of postcards and magnets and other things to advertise the positive things about Arkansas. I really wanted to buy the Bill Clinton magnet as a gift for my in-laws (who despise anyone with the last name of Clinton), but decided against spending $3 on something that would likely end up being run over again and again in their driveway. Nicholas was reading the postcards and looked at me wide-eyed and asked, "Is the mosquito really the state bird of Arkansas? I thought it was an insect, Mommy." Gosh, if there was ever a more ringing endorsement for moving to Arkansas, I don't know what it could be. Who doesn't love mosquitoes?
Another thing I thought was strange about Arkansas was that for the first twenty or so miles into the state, all of their speed limit signs had been chopped down. I actually got a little flutter of excitement in my stomach at the thought of being able to drive 140 miles an hour. "It's the new Montana!" I thought with elation. Unfortunately, it was just a cruel trick. They have a speed limit. I was back to my standard nine and a half miles over the speed limit.
After arriving in Mississippi (M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter..), we stopped for a potty break. The kids were getting really tired of being in the car, so I asked the store clerk how long the drive was to Jackson (my predetermined stopping point). She seemed unsure, so she asked one of the customers. The customer replied, "Well, it depends on how fast you float your boat. How fast do you plan to float down the river?" Huh? "Do you mean how fast do I drive?" I asked. "Yeah, how fast do you float your boat?" she replied. "Umm, well I drive about 85 miles an hour, is that what you mean?" "It should take you about two hours then. I am heading that way. If you want to follow in my wake, I'll get you there in an hour and a half." Thanks, but no thanks. I half expect that we'd have been travelling down the Mississippi river. (I know the Mississippi River doesn't go through Jackson. No geography lesson is needed.)
We did make it to Jackson, but not by choice. I stopped a bit before Jackson because the kids were asleep and well, I needed to go to the bathroom really, really bad. (Not only is coffee vile, it goes right through you!) I decided that this was the town for us. After visiting all six of their hotels (motels, if we're being honest) and finding no vacancies, I am desperate. I find a hotel discount guide and start calling hotels in Jackson all the while bouncing around and praying that I don't lose control of my bladder. I finally find one that has one room available. I ask if I can reserve it. She tells me it's not necessary. I ask if I can anyway. I can't take the chance of not getting a room. She sighs and takes my information. I finally get there and she's turning away three sets of people who are inquiring about availability. "It's a good thing I reserved that room, isn't it?" I ask her. "It sure was!" she says smiling. Sheesh. I think I would have peed right in her hotel lobby if I had gotten there and she'd told me that there weren't any rooms.
The next morning we get up and stop at a Wal-Mart. I want to get a phone charger and I decide to get the kids a movie each. We're all tired of the same movies over and over. I find what I want and the kids pick out their movies. I write the check and hand it and my driver's license to her. For this story's purposes, let's say I live on Smith street.
Sales Clerk: It's your birthday?
Me: Yep.
Sales Clerk: Well, Happy Birthday!
Me: Thank you!
Sales Clerk: Is your address information correct?
Me: It sure is.
Sales Clerk: Wow! You live on Smith? This town is called Smith!!! (She's really very excited about it.)
Me: Hmm. That's a neat coincidence.
Sales Clerk: I can't believe it's your birthday and you live on a street called Smith. That's amazing.
Things must be really boring in Smith, Mississippi.
That's it. That's my trip in a nutshell. I'm home. I'm 32. Peter's working. There wasn't a surprise party last night. (It must be next weekend!) Nicholas is begging for the computer. Life is back to normal.
Ta-ta!
(Not proofread, so please ignore any and all typos.)
I hit the road from Indianapolis on Friday morning. It doesn't take long to reach Illinois. I don't have too much to say about Illinois except that they have signs in their work zones that actually work. It's very rare that I actually observe too many of the signs asking me to slow down. I'm generally in a hurry to get where I'm going and usually there isn't a single soul working when they have you slow down. Illinois, however, has signs that are written in child-like script that say either, "Please slow down. My mommy works here. Thank you, Bobby" or "Please slow down. My daddy works here. Thank you, Abbi." The letters "s" and "y" are backwards as if a child had actually written it. I slowed down. I didn't want to be the one who deprived little Bobby or Abbi of their mommy and daddy. Very good marketing ploy. Perhaps it's because I am a mommy, though. Of course, there wasn't anyone actually doing road work, though. Illinois must take lessons from Michigan in the mind games department. Except that Illinois throws in the guilt to go with it. I feel like a sucker.
Have you ever noticed that the Waffle House sign is actually bigger than the Waffle house building itself? Maybe they should think about a smaller sign and a bigger building.
Coffee is vile, vile stuff. I don't how all of you drink the stuff on a daily basis. Cappucino on the other hand is very good. Anything that tastes that good must be laden with calories. I don't want to know if this is the case. I'd much rather be of the mindset that it's practically calorie free.
Speaking of calories, I feel cheated. I was told that Canadian food is calorie free. If this is true, how did I gain five pounds on this trip? Was it false advertising? What the hell?!?
I think unmarked police cars should be illegal. I don't know what state I was in (they all kind of blurred together on the way home), but every car that I saw pulled over was pulled over by an unmarked police car. One, it's very sneaky. Two, I don't know that I would actually pull over if I was being pursued by an unmarked car. How am I to know (until it's too late) that it's not some Ted Bundy serial killer just trying to get me to stop in order to slash me to bits? Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about it. I managed to drive almost 4,000 miles without getting pulled over once. I even drove really, really fast yesterday because I was anxious to get home and also because surely you're exempt from tickets on your birthday, right?
There are an inordinate amount of adult book stores on the interstates. They are everywhere! I would have loved to have been able to stop and check one out. Just to see what the big draw is -- they must be full of exciting things if there are so many of them. It can't be just a big book store.
I listened to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack as I was driving. Am I the only person who liked this movie? And the music? (With the exception of "The Academy"?) I've never met anyone in person who actually liked the movie, but I loved it. Did any of you like it? Or am I really the only one?
How neat is it that there's a town called Cooter, Missouri? What possessed the town founders to say "I know! Let's call the town 'Cooter'. It's describes the land and the people perfectly."?
We stopped in a store in Arkansas to get something to drink. There was a rack of postcards and magnets and other things to advertise the positive things about Arkansas. I really wanted to buy the Bill Clinton magnet as a gift for my in-laws (who despise anyone with the last name of Clinton), but decided against spending $3 on something that would likely end up being run over again and again in their driveway. Nicholas was reading the postcards and looked at me wide-eyed and asked, "Is the mosquito really the state bird of Arkansas? I thought it was an insect, Mommy." Gosh, if there was ever a more ringing endorsement for moving to Arkansas, I don't know what it could be. Who doesn't love mosquitoes?
Another thing I thought was strange about Arkansas was that for the first twenty or so miles into the state, all of their speed limit signs had been chopped down. I actually got a little flutter of excitement in my stomach at the thought of being able to drive 140 miles an hour. "It's the new Montana!" I thought with elation. Unfortunately, it was just a cruel trick. They have a speed limit. I was back to my standard nine and a half miles over the speed limit.
After arriving in Mississippi (M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter..), we stopped for a potty break. The kids were getting really tired of being in the car, so I asked the store clerk how long the drive was to Jackson (my predetermined stopping point). She seemed unsure, so she asked one of the customers. The customer replied, "Well, it depends on how fast you float your boat. How fast do you plan to float down the river?" Huh? "Do you mean how fast do I drive?" I asked. "Yeah, how fast do you float your boat?" she replied. "Umm, well I drive about 85 miles an hour, is that what you mean?" "It should take you about two hours then. I am heading that way. If you want to follow in my wake, I'll get you there in an hour and a half." Thanks, but no thanks. I half expect that we'd have been travelling down the Mississippi river. (I know the Mississippi River doesn't go through Jackson. No geography lesson is needed.)
We did make it to Jackson, but not by choice. I stopped a bit before Jackson because the kids were asleep and well, I needed to go to the bathroom really, really bad. (Not only is coffee vile, it goes right through you!) I decided that this was the town for us. After visiting all six of their hotels (motels, if we're being honest) and finding no vacancies, I am desperate. I find a hotel discount guide and start calling hotels in Jackson all the while bouncing around and praying that I don't lose control of my bladder. I finally find one that has one room available. I ask if I can reserve it. She tells me it's not necessary. I ask if I can anyway. I can't take the chance of not getting a room. She sighs and takes my information. I finally get there and she's turning away three sets of people who are inquiring about availability. "It's a good thing I reserved that room, isn't it?" I ask her. "It sure was!" she says smiling. Sheesh. I think I would have peed right in her hotel lobby if I had gotten there and she'd told me that there weren't any rooms.
The next morning we get up and stop at a Wal-Mart. I want to get a phone charger and I decide to get the kids a movie each. We're all tired of the same movies over and over. I find what I want and the kids pick out their movies. I write the check and hand it and my driver's license to her. For this story's purposes, let's say I live on Smith street.
Sales Clerk: It's your birthday?
Me: Yep.
Sales Clerk: Well, Happy Birthday!
Me: Thank you!
Sales Clerk: Is your address information correct?
Me: It sure is.
Sales Clerk: Wow! You live on Smith? This town is called Smith!!! (She's really very excited about it.)
Me: Hmm. That's a neat coincidence.
Sales Clerk: I can't believe it's your birthday and you live on a street called Smith. That's amazing.
Things must be really boring in Smith, Mississippi.
That's it. That's my trip in a nutshell. I'm home. I'm 32. Peter's working. There wasn't a surprise party last night. (It must be next weekend!) Nicholas is begging for the computer. Life is back to normal.
Ta-ta!
(Not proofread, so please ignore any and all typos.)
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